I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
