OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
