I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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