apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
