My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
