Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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