Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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