There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
