It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
