oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize