i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
