My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
