my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize