i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
