I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
