Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
