forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i dont even know how to be here
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
