I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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