just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just invented taco cereal.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
