First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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