How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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