ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize