She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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