i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
