i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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