you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
