Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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