Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
