If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
