fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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