I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
