Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so let's talk penis.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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