but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
