enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
