I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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