so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
