I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
