I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
