All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
