Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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