so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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