Betty ford says i'm here all night
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
