non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
