I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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