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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I was always good at matching as a child.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.

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