I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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