It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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