There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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