Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize