Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
where are you?
Hypothermia
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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