I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize