So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
