He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
