I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
