I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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