Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
