I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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