My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
