i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
