if i can run in heels then i can drive
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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