Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
