Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
