i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
