Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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