So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
