just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
