Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
