Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
