thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
