She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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