i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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