then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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