Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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