i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
