bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
