I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
