did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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