Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
