i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
