Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
