I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
