Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
