I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
