I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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