Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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