I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im holly from the hills drunk
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
