A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
