How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
