Betty ford says i'm here all night
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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