wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize