yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
