Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
