I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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