there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
