Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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