The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
