Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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