And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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