Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
