I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
