Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
