if you like me you must not know who I am
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
