The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
