your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
