Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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