Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
