I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at templeÂ
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
