Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
