you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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