If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
