so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
