I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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