I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize