This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
