He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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