hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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