I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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