You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
