If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
